Road Rage

I have total road rage.

I can’t help it. That’s what I tell myself. I think it’s some type of genetic disposition one either has or doesn’t. I apparently do.

Crazy Eyes. Me during road rage.
Crazy Eyes. Me during road rage.

I love the second amendment (I know, you’re like, “Where is she going with this?”). I have a handgun. A 92FS, 9mm Beretta (that’s right, don’t even think about breaking into MY home!!). It’s gorgeous.

However, the country is a much safer place due to the fact that there are restrictions on the second amendment such as a state requirement that I have to meet certain criteria in order to obtain a carry and conceal permit, which…well, I don’t. So I don’t have a permit. So I don’t carry a gun in my car.

Which, people, is a GOOD THING.

Because believe you me, if I did, I probably would be reaching for it on a regular basis due to my road rage. Things that trigger this all-consuming, irrational, yet very physical sensation to chase someone down in my car, get them to pull over, yank them out of their seat and beat their head into the pavement are when they:

  • Fail to give a “thank you” wave when I let them in. Come on. Be polite!
  • Drive right on the lane divider between two lanes while talking on their cell phones.
  • Dangerously cut me off.
  • Flip me off or gesticulate wildly when they are in the wrong.
  • Tailgate me with only an inch between our bumpers. Don’t do that. It’s not cool.
  • Put on makeup, paint their nails, or do other crazy shit while driving.

I saw someone shave his face once. It would have been impressive had I not been more concerned that he was driving the car that was right in front of me. Wham! Shaving cream, a few quick passes with a razor, a wipe down of the face with moist towelettes. One minute. And I couldn’t even beep or pass him because do you want to be the person who startles someone who has a blade close to his throat in insane commuter traffic? I think not.

But the biggest thing that pisses me off? Being totally clueless. You know, when someone cuts in front of you when someone else is moving into your lane as well with everyone going 70 mph in the rain, thus causing a situation where three to four cars may have collided with one another? And everyone else reacts to save their asses and swerves and honks their horns and shouts and the one offender is thinking, “Whuuut? What’s wrong? Why is everyone mad at me?” and makes the I’m Confused Face and does that little upwards-open-hand motion, like, “Huh? Why?”.

Because YOU’RE STUPID. That’s why. And the only reasons why your genes have not yet been eliminated from the evolutionary track of Homo Sapiens is that we live in a modern society that 1) protects people like you by allowing you to purchase food, clothing, and shelter, thereby enabling you to continue your stupid-ass ancestral line and 2) makes it illegal to kill someone based solely on their IQ.

Really.

I truly do not understand why society makes people take vision, multiple-choice, and driving tests to get a license, yet does not require one for IQ. I mean, yes, vision is important in the safe operation of a car, but what about someone’s brains? I mean, they should have some, right?!  RIGHT?!?

When road rage takes over.
When road rage takes over.

Unfortunately, possessing intelligence beyond memorizing the correct answers to obvious driving-related questions is not required in securing a license. Therefore, the roads are populated by idiots. It really isn’t safe. Or fair. It really isn’t.

Canton Waterfront Park Can Be Fun

Canton Waterfront Park is a fun place to go. There is a cozy spread of grass with areas that are open to sunlight and those shaded by overhanging branches. A Water Taxi and Charm City Circulator stop is right there as well, connecting (however limited) residents and visitors alike to other Baltimore neighborhoods along the harbor.

As for people-watching, it is a prime location to observe people working out (like those militaristic boot-camp morning sessions) and lazying about. People also fish right off the pier with poles and coolers and once I even saw someone crazily running on the edge of the walk with a long-poled net trying to scoop up fish (or…?). However, he was using a leaf skimmer (for swimming pools) which probably meant he wasn’t able to catch whatever he was chasing.

Leaf skimmer. Good for scooping up leaves. Not fish.
Leaf skimmer. Good for scooping up leaves. Not fish.

I was reminded of that game at carnivals and festivals when, as a kid, you were given a small paper net to try to catch goldfish which you then keep. Do they even do that anymore?

See? Impossible.
See? Impossible.

Not to mention, would you really want to eat fish from anywhere along the Baltimore Inner Harbor? I don’t think so.

Mutant fish. Yummy.
Mutant fish. Yummy.

Canton Waterfront Park, thankfully, offers more than mutant fish. In the summers, you can go to First Thursdays, which is a free concert event held the first Thursday of every month from 6:30 to 10:00 pm (http://wtmd.org/radio/first-thursday-concerts-in-the-park/). It’s pretty awesome. People start heading down a little after 5:00 pm with collapsible chairs slung over their shoulders, toting picnic baskets, trying to snag the best spots before space gets too crowded.

A First Thursday concert right down the street from where I live.
A First Thursday concert right down the street from where I live.

During the winter, the park isn’t as busy, but it’s still a nice place to take a walk or snuggle on a bench with someone while shivering in your coat and gazing out on the water and at people passing by.

Baltimore City is trying to connect all the neighborhoods along the harbor, from Federal Hill through downtown and Fell’s to Canton. Because of that, there has been a ton of revitalization, spurring on new developments such as Harbor East, Harbor Point, and Canton Crossing. Trendy restaurants and apartments have popped up and for the first time in decades, we are finally experiencing an increase in our population (immigration vs. emigration), especially in younger demographic groups.

Town in Montana. Cute, but not terribly exciting. Much like goldfish.
Town in Montana. Cute, but not terribly exciting. Much like goldfish.

All this is well and good, except that I have to confess that I hate the arrival of big box stores down the street such as Target and DSW. I don’t want to live somewhere that looks like everywhere else, but it seems that the only way I can avoid that nowadays is if I move to somewhere like Montana.

So I guess I’ll stick around Canton, Baltimore for a little while longer. It’s not difficult to remember why I stay when I look at some pics I took in August of this year from the park. It truly can be a beautiful place.

A pic taken by yours truly
A pic taken by yours truly.
I love this...old bridge thingy?
I love this…old bridge thingy?

 

The Presidency vs Reality TV? Hmm…Let Me Think.

I told myself that I wouldn’t post about the presidential election today. But I can’t help myself.

I am a registered independent. Not because I want to snub the partisanship inclinations of our political electoral framework (of course ANYONE can be elected, really!), but because I am “pro” left or right on many issues. I truly am, in a scary, extreme kind of way.

But as I head out to my polling station down the street, I have to state that aside from all the security/female/race/immigration/tax issues, the one main sticking point for me when it comes to Trump has always been boiled down to one fact.

During the last election cycle, he actually had to weigh the pros and cons between appearing on The Apprentice versus running as the President of the United States of America.

As a minority female, I know that there should be other stances that Trump takes that people believe should offend me more. But…no. Yes, my blood boils when I think of them, but that’s not what truly gets me riled up. Thomas Jefferson, Abraham Lincoln, and many of our founding fathers had views on race, foreign nations, and the labor drivers of the North and South economies which are troublesome to me.

But they all, I personally believe, truly wanted to serve the people.

I categorically refuse to vote for someone who paused, even for an instant, running as the leader of this country in favor of hosting a reality tv show.

The presidency requires someone who should ideally sacrifice all to guide us down the road to the next golden age. Our presidents, in my opinion, should always keep the American people first and foremost in their minds as they struggle with the heavy weight of dilemmas that invade the oval office and beyond.

I want a president who considers leading this country and campaigning in order to do so as an honor. A privilege. Even a mandate. Because it is. It should not be eschewed for anything else, especially a stupid, self-promoting, reality tv show.

I am amazed that nobody has emphasized this fact during the entire campaign, on both sides of the aisle, so I’m saying it now.

A disgrace to the legacy of the sacrifice many have made to cultivate the greatness of what this country is and what may one day be is when we, as Americans, would even consider electing someone who had to pause in debating  whether he should serve his own entertainment sponsored interest versus those of the American people.

Ridiculously Small Clementines

Yay! I’m not 100%, but getting there.

Now that I’m well enough to be up and about again, I would like to mention something I’ve noticed the past few years. The trend of the Ridiculously Small Clementines.

WHY?!! Why so tiny?
WHY?!! Why so tiny?

When it started years ago, the clementines were only a tad smaller than your typical tangerine. As time passed, however, they started shrinking at an alarming rate. Last week, I saw mesh bags of clementines at Whole Foods and picked one up, not realizing exactly how small they have become.

Seriously. It take more energy to peel one than eat it. Each was the size of a regular marshmallow (that is the only comparison I could come up with). I was trying to intake more vitamin C (yes, yes, I know it probably doesn’t really help) while lying in bed and forlornly eating my unsatisfying clementines and thinking of all the other, cute small fruit that have become popular, such as lady apples.

Lady apples. Confusing and infuriating.

Can I eat them whole? But people aren’t suppose to swallow apple seeds since they release minute amounts of cyanide when digested. Right? But then, if these apples are much smaller, doesn’t that mean that the seeds are as well and therefore less cyanide would be released, making them safe to eat whole? Yes? No? WTF?!!? I DON’T WANT TO HAVE TO GOOGLE HOW TO EAT THESE DAMN APPLES!!

When did small food become trendy? When did Wegman’s and Whole Foods get together and say, “Look, those stupid regular grocery stores are starting to offer organic fruit and veggies, too. I don’t know how they figured out that’s what we were doing, but they did. What should we do?”

Ta-da!

Because you ALWAYS hear, “Yes, smaller IS better!”

So adorable! And expensive!!

These are not even used to make champagne. But that's not the point.
These are not even used to make champagne. But that’s not the point.

And don’t even get me started on sliders when you can just cut a burger in half. Or flatbread, which is really pita bread pizza shaped in a rectangle. Or cake pops, which I can make with Dunkin’ Donuts Munchkins and toothpicks. Just don’t.